Renovations

I just posted some renovation pictures so if you want to see my new kitchen, click on the Picassa Web Albums link on the right side of the screen.

Also, my blood count was good today so I'm on for my final chemo tomorrow as per normal.

Has it really been 5 months? Bizarre.

Radiation update.

Met with my radiation oncologist this morning. She told me that 4 out of 5 of the oncologist she polled recommended the radiation (sounds like a toothpaste commercial). The 5th one was 'on the fence'.

I had already decided to go for the radiation with the logic being that I originally had planned only a lumpectomy which automatically comes with radiation. If I hadn't done the last-minute switch to the mastectomy, the radiation wouldn't have been in question, so what's the diff now? She said that there is a small layer of breast tissue under the skin that will benefit from the radiation.

Also, they zap my lymph nodes above the breast area. I was thinking they would zap under my armpit, but then she mentioned that THOSE ones have already been removed. Makes sense.... zap ones that are still there.

So, I'm having my 'measuring' appointment on the 28th of April and then will start radiation a week or so after that.

I have been feeling okay. My feet are more numb this time, and now my hands are tingly too. Not debilitating, but like pins and needles. I had less pain this time, but longer tingling. I'm just hoping this is temporary and not permanent....

And, the ability to head off to Desert Hot Springs is becoming a reality - I've been wheeling and dealing my appointments so I can make this happen. And wouldn't you know it, this is the time when my hair is growing back..... just in time for me to be wearing a bathing suit! What a rip. Now I'll have to worry about my bikini line....dammit. OR, not worry, and hope the old folks don't have eyesite that astute.... !

Of course, if I don't get my eating under control, the bikini area will be the least of my worries...since I won't be able to see it... Yah - ok, it's not THAT bad, and I did hire a personal trainer to help me get back on track, so it won't be long until I look as good as Jennifer Aniston... a fellow forty year old... (HA - IN MY DREAMS)...

On a different note, I have taken to chastising the bird lately. NO that is not a euphism for some kind of dirty phrase.... I mean literally yelling at the bird to stop teasing the dog. Cooper is altogether too interested in the birds and will leap at the cage to try to get at them. But I have noticed lately that my conure will purposely climb down near the bottom of the cage to be right at head level with the dog and taunt him. The first while, Cooper was the one getting in trouble "NO BIRD". But once I realized the bird was teasing him, now the bird gets the crap. Damn kids - always fighting....

Anyway, until next time!

Chemo # 7, done

Arrived at chemo at 8:25 Wed morning.... was supposed to be there at 8:15 - OOPS.... Since it was 'snaining' this morning, I guess everyone on Fraser Hwy decided it was a good idea to come to a complete halt. No one chastised me, everyone is really nice at the cancer centre.

Left the cancer centre at 2pm after spending the day listening to fire alarms and interhospital message beeps constantly. Once my pre-meds (ie, heavy dose of Benadryl) kick in, I pretty much zone out and sleep. Fire alarms make this a very difficult task. At least this time, I was able to keep from snoring (I think). OK, I'll revise...this time I didn't wake myself up with snoring...I may have been doing it more discreetly. I can live with the snoring but the drooling is more embarrassing.

I remember once in grade 12, I was in the library and fell asleep with my head on my hands on a table, and when I woke up there was a big pool of drool on the table. GROSS! lol

It is also clear that with the combination of other drugs I get and the fact that I sleep quite a lot on chemo day, that I get insomnia immediately after chemo. Hence, posting in the middle of the night.

These different drugs I'm on now definitely don't affect hair loss the same way as the previous ones did, as my hair is growing back now. Cam is fond of pointing out that I have a little extra pouf of hair growing on the back of my head - probably didn't shave it evenly last time, so now I have a mini tail in the middle at the back. So, hate to say it, but guess I'm going back to hairy testicle head again.... ALTHOUGH, it may not be so bad since the hair isn't sparse.... Or is that now just an Italian's hairy testicle head? (can I get in trouble for stereotyping here...?)

I think I said I wasn't going to say testicle anymore....but I don't remember for sure. Along with other things... like not paying my Mastercard bill which is the largest one we've ever had thanks to the renos. But I did some whining to them and they reversed the interest. And NO, surprisingly, I did not need to play my cancer card. I would have though, if needed. I have to take all the crap that comes with cancer, so I'm trying to milk all the good that comes of it too.

Which reminds me, I received a link regarding free housecleaning for cancer patients so I think I might look into that more now that the renos are reigned into a reasonable level. (meaning I actually HAVE a kitchen now. Yes, I will eventually post pictures, but there are some finishing touches to be done on it before I take pics. I LOVE MY NEW FLOOR! (linoleum that looks like slate tiles)

I've been sporting a bald head more and more frequently these days. Usually I've forgotten to put on a head covering (no surprise there) - but also, it WAS a lot warmer the last couple of weeks and so it wasn't appealing to grab a hat or wig. It depends on how incognito I feel like going.

So when you are a bald woman, you tend to attract attention, and when I have CHOSEN to go bald, I will often take some time to notice people's reactions to me, particularly kids. Nothing exciting or funny has happened - it's just a good opportunity to people-watch. When I have FORGOTTEN to put on a head covering, I am usually in a rush and don't pay attention to anyone's reactions, however, sometimes I am approached, as I was at Save-On the other day when the sample lady asked me if I'm going through treatment because she just finished hers for thyroid cancer (33 years old!). So we had a short gab & she wished me luck and asked me to pop back in for a visit to give an update.

I had heard from a few people that you can make some 'chemo friends' - or 'cancer friends', but I haven't really had that opportunity. The chemo schedule is interesting - I never see the same people twice. I once emailed about a support group back in the fall, and they told me the next one started in January - but no one ever contacted me about it then, so I didn't bother, and furthermore, I realized I don't really need a support group. I have all YOU guys, supporting me and loving me and sending wonderful wishes and thoughtful emails my way. I am very lucky to have such a large group of people who care about me. Thanks, everyone!

I receive emails of support very frequently and they are ALL appreciated - short and long, email is a great way for me to stay connected and to keep Cam off my back for being on the phone all the time.

But, I have run off on a tangent from the original point. Going bald is NOT incognito - but often, neither is wearing a long flowing red wig.... so when I want to go 'normal' I always wear the short brown with blonde streaks wig (mom's favourite, Cam's least favourite). That wig looks the most like my 'real hair' - so it bothers me that Cam doesn't like it... I mean WHAT is up with that? He must hate my real hair. Well, I shouldn't complain, I generally hate it most of the time too.... although, I will likely appreciate it a little more after this experience! He actually doesn't like it because he says it looks like a particular reality show star's hair and I'm not saying who it is so that any of you who don't think the same think now and it never crossed your mind won't say 'OH YAH - and then that's all you'll think of when you see me wearing that wig'.

It might be silly, and I'm sure Cam regrets saying anything at all about it, but when I used to automatically reach for that wig as my 'normal' wig, once I found out that he doesn't like it, I always hesitate before putting it on. I can throw it on when I'm going out in the day, but when he's around, I tend to grab a different wig - because who wants to put on something her husband dislikes? (unless you're fighting..... HA) - but then, I can always just throw his lunch into the backyard for the dog.... oh wait a minute - another tangent there....

As you can see, I am randomly typing in the middle of the night because I have nothing better to do, but unfortunately, any of you reading this MIGHT think there would be something worth reading and then get sucked into this long diatribe of nothingness when you actually have busy and working lives to attend to..... SUCKERS!!! ha ha ha

I ordered a new camera from Airmiles and it arrived today. I'm looking forward to learning all it's 'ins and outs'. It is a true point and shoot - I'll leave the complicated stuff up to Cam with his 70 pound camera and seven hundred lenses. (slight hyperbole there....)

Anyway, despite the 'snain' this morning (that's snow and rain for any who didn't pick that up), the rest of the time the sun has been mood-lifting - although I have not really taken good advantage of it.

I am trying to sneak away to Palm Springs (actually Desert Hot Springs) for a couple of weeks between chemo and radiation just for a 'mental rest'. It has been harder to organize than I thought due to various doctor's appointments and heart scans and boob fill-ups etc. They are really trying to thwart me and I REALLY NEED A HOLIDAY. That might sound weird to those of you still working - and don't get me wrong - I am enjoying having time off even if it was due to cancer - but time off kicking around the house, especially a house torn apart with renos and being tied to the hospital / doctor's office is NOT as much fun as you might hope for....

My inlaws are taking me - I'm really looking forward to it. My dad-in-law keeps asking me if I'll be able to handle all the old folks. I told him I'd fit right in with my knitting and talk of curling (and perhaps translate that to shuffleboard). I'm already an old woman mentally - I'm hoping I'll get there physically too, but anyway, I love playing cards and that's what old people do, right?? LOL more stereotyping. They will probably be wilder than me because they can let their hair down.... OR, can it be said that mine is already EXTREMELY let down??!!??

Anyway, I will sign off now - if any of YOU suffer insomnia, you can thank me for curing you later... For that matter, it's up to you other bloggers (you know who you are) to post some long dumb and boring post to help me fall asleep!!!

Love to all!

Musings: Olympic Irony, among other things

So, Cam just got home from work to find me sitting on the ONE space available on the couch and watching Holmes on Homes while sorting out dog food. Yup - when you have time available in the day, you can handpick through mixed dog food to find the minisculely different pieces that were mixed into it that you suspect made your dogs sick - because you paid $70 per bag of the 'good stuff' and thought you'd save a few bucks by mixing in the 'unknown' stuff that your dog won at a flyball tournament.

So, instead of throwing it away, and instead of feeding it again on the hopes that maybe it wasn't that food mixed in causing the problem, I have spent numerous hours going handful through handful to pick out the 'bad' bits..... But hey - why not when you're wasting your time watching TV anyway - at least this way I feel like I'm getting something accomplished while doing it. Which also leads me into the Olympic Irony - however, I will get to that in a minute.

So, getting back to my situation, I decided that since Cam was home, I would start dinner and to do that, needed to wash my hands since they were busy digging into dog food.... SO, to make a long story even longer, I went into the washroom to wash my hands and heard the tub running. OH CRAP!!! Since I have no sink in my kitchen due to renovations, I have had to do dishes in the bathtub. Earlier in the day - and I'm talking like at LEAST and hour - I decided to do the dishes and turned the tub on. Then I closed the door behind me because Cooper loves to play in the bathtub and so I didn't want him jumping in with my dirty dishes. Needless to say, my chemo brain promptly forgot all about me turning the tub on.

So, I am happy to report that the drain at the top of the tub under the faucet is a VERY effective way to make sure your tub doesn't overflow..... the water was right at the top, but never overflowed. And, naturally, I had run the hot water tank completely out - so I was now pouring ice cold water into the tub. Yesterday, I left a message with the city to have a water meter installed instead of paying a flat rate. I'm wondering if I should wait until chemo finishes before doing that, or we'll go broke.... hmmmmmm

Anyway, back to the Olympic Irony..... 17 days of hailing the world's BEST athletes - admiring their dedication and athleticism and endurance.... all from the comfort of my ass planted firmly on the sofa to see it all. I'm thinking to myself 'gee, I feel kind of sloth-like - I should get out and get some exercise - BUT - I might miss the figure skating - or perhaps one of the 3 games per day of curling they were playing'. And when you think that curling games are 3 hours each and they played 3 games per day, that is NINE hours of curling per day - nevermind any of the other sports....

So, I loved the Olympic experience - the Opening Ceremonies were FANTASTIC, the closing ones were kind of lame in my opinion, but the opening ones made up for it. I loved being able to attend one curling game and loved watching the Men's curling team win gold (plus the other 13 golds too - Yay Canada & the gold medal record). But now that I have spent 17 days cheering for our countries best athletes and what good shape they are in, I now can get up off the couch and start to do something constructive (other than dogfood sorting).

Chemo brain is a real thing - most times it makes me laugh, but sometimes I want to cry because I feel so dumb. The other night I was talking on the phone to my sister who asked me if I had been asked to curl that night (a night that we often get asked to spare). I said no. Then an hour later, I wandered by my computer at 7pm only to see a note on the reminder label that I was supposed to curl at 7pm as a spare. ACK - I quickly called the curling rink to let them know I forgot, but sis bailed me out by jumping in her car & going to cover for me since she lives very near to the rink and I am across town from it....

Previous to that, I had forgotten to show up for my oncologist appointment. And now I've forgotten that I turned the bathtub on. Sheesh. These are the 'major' things - let's not forget the gazillion minor things I've forgotten about. Oh wait - I forgot them already.... Maybe next post... !!

Other than chemo brain, I am not suffering many physical issues except for lack of sleep. And right now, spring has sprung and my allergies are going crazy so I've had to take antihistamine which makes me tired. If it's not one thing......

Anyway, before I started this post, I was on my way to make dinner - and so I should get onto that before I forget.

Cheers!

Chemo details...

It occurred to me that most of you would likely have no idea what is involved with the process of receiving chemo - so I'm going to tell you!

First of all, I'm no expert on this, but have learned that every type of cancer has different types of drugs to do specifically different things - and even within a type of cancer, the drugs are not all the same as they are applied based on the aggressiveness of the cancer and probably other factors too. So that's why the side effects are not the same for everyone - could be different drugs in different doses given for different reasons. Some chemotherapy drugs do not cause hair loss. The breast cancer chemos DO generally cause hair loss (but not always 100%).

I mention the above because this day-in-the-life of chemo is for MY particular treatment and wouldn't necessarily be the same for other cancer patients.

So going way back to the generalities, I was slated for 8 sessions of chemotherapy to be done every 3 weeks. Every session, I meet with my oncologist to update him on what has been happening with me and it is usually a very short visit which often feels very pointless. How are you feeling? 'fine, considering' Any unusual side effects or anything that you can't handle? 'no'. And basically that's it. Of course I realize they are doing due diligence to carefully monitor - probably be cause THEY know how dangerous the chemicals are that I'm getting, but I don't really know it. So when my feet are going slightly numb, I think 'no big deal' - but they are asking me if I can feel the ground and if I have trouble walking and is it a burning, aching or sharp pain. Which makes me wonder what's coming.... HMMMMMMMM

So the next step is bloodwork. I have to get my blood tested the day before chemo every time I go. I think they typically like to schedule the blood test and the oncologist visit on the same day but it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes I see the oncologist the week before chemo and then get my bloodwork done the day before. When the appt is the SAME day, I am scheduled for bloodwork at the hospital lab. But if the appt is a different day, I get my bloodwork done at an outside lab near my house and have to go early in the morning so the results will go out in the morning run.

When I went to the hospital for my bloodwork at 1pm, my results were already with my oncologist by my 2pm appt - so I found out early that my bloodwork was GOOD and my nutrophils were at 1.6. Yay!

In the cancer clinic, there is a reception desk and a chemotherapy desk. Typically, I would check in at the chemo desk but when it's not open, I check in at reception. I always carry a little white appt card that has all my statistics on it and they handwrite out what all my upcoming appts are. When you visit the onc, you have to put the card in a tray and they pull your file from this instead of having to stand at the desk. This is very efficient, except I often forget to retrieve the card afterward. Sometimes it gets chucked out, and sometimes they send it along to the chemo room for me to pick up on chemo day.

So you basically let the hospital know you're there, and then they will ask the pharmacy to make up your chemo drugs. They do not do this in advance as far as I can tell. Apparently chemo drugs are expensive and don't 'keep' - so to mix some up and have someone not show up is no good. Some days it's faster than others.

So I checked in at 8:30, waited for about 10 minutes and then was brought into the chemo room. The Surrey chemo room has sections called 'pods'. Each pod has a few chairs and there is a nurse assigned to each pod. There are also 'floating nurses' - who are extra help but not assigned to one pod. Probably they float between 2 or 3 pods. There are 5 pods in Surrey.

The chairs in the pods are comfortable and recline all the way back. When I get to my chair, I arrange all the stuff I've brought ie, hang my coat & purse, put my 'entertainment bag' within easy reach (DVD player, DS, book, knitting) and my snack bag for the long last 4 treatments. (I didn't need snack bag for the 1st 4 treatments as they were only 2 hours). My treatment this week was SEVEN HOURS! Got there at 8:30, got home at 3:30. Several people came and went while I was there - everyone else's was much shorter than mine. One guy was there for only a half hour! And I overheard the nurse talking to one of them to tell her that her next treatment was in May. A 3-month interval!! That's when I knew that I really don't know much about cancer despite my situation.

Then the nurse grabs his/her (there are a couple of guy nurses in Surrey) 'puncture kit' and since I have a Port-o-Cath, they swab it down on my chest and then poke the god-awful needle through my chest. It hurts quite a bit as far as needle pain goes - except ONE time one of the guys did it for me pain-free so I keep hoping to get that again but so far, no luck. The needle part has a tube attached which is where they hook up all the drugs.

First of all, they hang a bag of saline to get me hydrated. Then once the drugs arrive, I get quizzed on how to spell my name, what my birthday is etc. They do this before every drug so I get asked this a LOT. The lady next to me asked what would happen if she gave the wrong answer. Phil said he would double check and make REALLY sure - probably ask for ID because he has had patients with the same name and same birthday before. So he also checks the BCCA ID number too. He's very thorough. And I also found out he plays ball in the same league Cam and I do but that he will never acknowledge me first because it raises questions about how you know someone. So I assured him I wouldn't be offended and would be sure to acknowledge him because I don't care if he tells people that he looked after me during chemo. But I thought it was pretty cool for him to explain it to me.

I kind of know what he means because I used to tell that to my Fantasia customers too. Ie, walking down the mall and shouting out 'HEY - how's that mechanical boyfriend working out for ya???' probably wouldn't be good for repeat business or word-of-mouth referrals......

Anyway, once I'm hooked up, I'm on my own. Each Pod has a computer station so mostly the nurse is at the computer working on whatever it is they need to do. They are always nearby.

There are lots of volunteers at the hospital and I constantly get asked if I want a beverage. It's FREE!!! Gingerale, Cranberry Juice, Water, Milk, Coffee or Tea. They want people staying hydrated during chemo. Plus they are pumping you with all kinds of fluids so I have to make a LOT of bathroom trips during my visit. (Guests get these free beverages too - you're allowed one person in there with you but I think they are lenient because I have seen 2 guests in there before).

Back to the bathroom trips - they are not a problem - each of the IV poles has a battery pack in it, so I just unplug it from the wall and the battery takes over and I wheel my contraption into the washroom with me. The biggest problem of all is the embarrassment factor. I don't see other people making 20 million bathroom trips.... everyone must think my bladder is tiny.

When there are no volunteers, the nurse will offer you the beverage - and also will always offer a pillow and warm blanket. And I always take it because it gets really cold in there. Today I also requested a foot massage since Phil seemed so accommodating - but he just laughed at me and told me his wife was lucky to get one of those.... (no - he ISN'T gay! I don't think the other male nurse there is either)

Once the drugs are done, they run another bag of saline and then they push a syringe of Heperin through the line. That cleans out the Port and stops it from getting clogged up. Then, I have to gather up all my crap and get the heck out of there!

After the first 4 treatments I was able to drive with no problem as the drugs did not affect my reactions but the final 4 treatments involve getting Benadryl before my Taxol drug and it knocks me out, so I won't drive after these treatments.

And these final 4 have less nausea attached to them, but now I just wait dreading that horrible muscle and joint pain that I know is coming - and probably worse than before since I got my full dose this time. Ack!

At any rate, only 2 more to go!

To Radiate, or not to Radiate - that is the question....

First of all - Happy Birthday to my mom!

Second of all - I had my radiation oncology appt today and was told again what we kind of already knew from before - my situation is in a 'grey area' as far as radiation goes and I am expected to decide if I want it or not.

That is kind of the way docs work these days - no one wants to take responsibility for giving the wrong answer so they leave it in the hands of the patients - who, after all, have all the training & knowledge to make such a decision, right?? (yes - heavy sarcasm).

The good news is that the oncologist DID answer the question as to whether or not she would vote 'yes' for me to do it, and that if she were in my shoes, she would do it. But the main argument for me to do it is basically that there isn't a specific reason for me NOT to do it... HuH?

OK - I get it - it means I am healthy enough otherwise that there is nothing stopping me from having radiation. So then I have to weigh risks against benefits. So they tell me the risks are minimal. And they also tell me the benefits - for me - are minimal. But on the other hand, if I want to do EVERY thing I possibly can to fight cancer, then I should do it.... SHEESH.

5.5 weeks of week-daily (ie, Mon-Fri) treatments. I count that out to around 28 treatments.... plus I have to squeeze in the tissue expander fillers before radiation starts as it tends to thicken the skin and it won't stretch well after radiation.

I'm thinking I should do it - but I haven't done ALL my research yet. If any of you have any comments or opinions to weigh in on this, feel free to email me.

New Side Effects...

My 2nd set of drugs started last week and I was told about side effects including muscle and joint pain, plus tingling in the hands & feet.

Boy oh boy - they weren't kidding. I have just spent an extremely uncomfortable weekend chasing the pains around my body with hot water bottles and ice packs. I haven't decided yet which one helps more - but perhaps the alternation is distracting.

Thankfully, the literature says it should last just a few days and today was much better than Saturday and Sunday were. I even took a T3 at bedtime last night. I haven't had one of those since a week or so after surgery. It not excruciating - it's a mild pain, or serious discomfort.

On a lighter note, when Cam was away this weekend, I got bored kicking around by myself and so I found a good way use the hair mousse that I got for Christmas... (some people are really frickin' HILARIOUS)... Yup - there's me - home alone and bored... and pulling out a can of mousse and spraying my head and photographing myself. I actually did it twice because the first time I went to take the pic and the battery was dead so by the time I got the camera plugged in for a second try, the mousse had melted off my head. I was REALLY bored....

But hey, this has got to be an improvement over the time I put a bra on my bum and took a close-up picture like it was cleavage, right? (NO - I WON'T be posting that picture - it was over 20 years ago).

WELCOME TO MY TWISTED WORLD HA HAHAHAH HAHAHA HAH HA HA HAHAHHa (my typed version of maniacal laughter).

PS - when I originally added the picture to the post, it was at the top left - and with my subject line saying 'New Side Effects', it looked like the mousse was a new side effect of chemo... funny - but confusing - so I moved the pic to a more appropriate location.