Sunday, June 17, 2012

June-uary Blahs

Feels like old times - awake in the middle of the night and posting on my blog.  Hoping that spring might show up before June 21 but not holding my breath...

I'm not really sure what to talk about...  I know that I kept promising that Cam would make an entry to explain his side of the cancer experience, but I asked him several times and he always said he would but he just didn't get to it.  And now it seems kind of pointless.  And my sphere of influence is considerably diminished on it since I can't really even play my cancer card anymore....  hell - I couldn't get him to do it when I was in the throes of treatment - it seemsly highly unlikely now...  OH well...

I guess technically it's Father's Day today - since it's 3am.....  Good wishes to all dads out there. 

As far as my specific health & wellbeing, I am doing generally well.  Had a bout of vertigo and then a bad cold that many of you probably read about on Facebook when I was whining about it.

My back is not nearly as sore as it generally tends to get.  Although I have had some issues with the scars around my implant...  I think the tissues bind up and massage will help loosen them but it's painful.  Plus it's awkward to ask your massage therapist to rub your fake boob.....  (but I do it.. HA HA).  Technically, I can reach it myself - but I don't have a lot of self-discipline in many things and inflicting pain on myself isn't high on my priority list.  Of course, paying someone else to do it doesn't seem right either, however, once I've committed to spending the $$, my cheap side will come out and I'll want to get my money's worth...  HURT ME HURT ME  HAHAHAHAHA

Yes, I mentioned Facebook.  I have become a full convert.  I was a FB hater and said many many many times that FB is EVIL and I would NEVER go on FB.  Then, Cam made himself an account (not a dog one - a real one)...which got me thinking more about it.  Then some friends at a party explained how FB has privacy & security settings that let you pretty much control what people see.  So once I bought into that, I signed myself up and am now a daily FB user.  The irony here is that Cam never goes on FB.  If you ever see activity from him, it's probably me.

The upside of FB is that it's easy to keep in touch with people that you just wouldn't have time to see or talk to generally.  The downside is that you could potentially reduce your 'real person' contact based on the fact that you DO know already what's going on in someone's life.  And of course, the REAL downside is the damned games.

Before FB, I never played computer games.  The only game I ever played was Rock Band on the PS3 and Minesweeper on the computer.  Now I am addicted to Bejewelled and Solitaire Blitz and Farkle and Zuma Blitz.  I tried a few other games - casino and bingo type but was glad to see that I still hate bingo....  And the casino stuff just made no sense to me - if you're not playing for real money, what's the point?

The time I waste playing FB games is outrageous.  However, it is helpful in keeping my mind from whirling around on topics that it shouldn't be.  I think about a LOT of things - as I'm sure everyone does.  Work, leisure activities, long-term goals, my next vacation (naturally).  Typically if I go to bed when tired, I can sleep without issue - but if I am awakened in the night for some reason (like Molly whining at the door), I cannot go back to sleep.

Tonight as an example, I don't know why I woke up at midnight after sleeping for a couple of hours, but here I am still awake at 3:21am.  Of course, 10 minutes ago, I realized that I hadn't taken my nightly Tamoxifen at bed time and I wonder if my subconscious woke me up for that reason.  Tonight is the first time in almost 2 years that I have even come CLOSE to forgetting to take this pill.  I guess when you're brain registers something as life or death, it keeps it pretty high on the list of priorities.  So it's a few hours late and in this case, better late than never still applies.

I can't believe it's been 3 years since I found the lump.  Hey - I just realized, it was almost right around this time...  I think it was June 12 in 2009.  The good news is, that date doesn't really stick out for me.  I only just remembered it now and not on June 12 - that must be good, I think.

Ugh, I actually just yawned - I guess I'll try that sleep thing again and see what happens.

Last time I blogged, I said I was in a motivation stage & using my treadmill daily.  HA - that was shortlived.  I think I gained 4 pounds on my trip to Palm Springs....  I was on my way by myself in Feb, but Cam and I went there for Easter too.  We love Caliente Hot Springs Resort....  Anyway, still working on those same 10 pounds.  My last weigh-in had me within 8.5 pounds of goal, however, we went out for Mexican on Fri night and I had a full meal of leftovers for it too....  so I'm sure it's back to the 10 pounds.  CRAP!!!  maybe some decent weather would help with some motivation.....

Anyway, I'm off.  Until next time, whenever that will be - since clearly I've run out of anything even mildly interesting to say.... haha