Turning 50. Ten years later.....

Given the name of the blog, it's no wonder that it hasn't been active for years.  The cancer journey - the active part of it - ended long ago.  One thing you may not realize is that the passive part of it never ends.  Given that Cam's cancer presented with a sore throat, every time he gets a cold I freak out.  I imagine he probably does too. 

But... I post today on my 50th birthday thinking how much different things are now than they were when I turned 40.  I turned 40 the day after a chemo cycle.  We didn't make big birthday plans because we weren't sure how I would feel the next day.  Turns out I felt ok and we made some impromptu dinner plans for sushi with family & friends. 

Since I knew we weren't making big plans for my 40th, I had advised Cam that the ONLY thing I really wanted for my 40th birthday was a 'fancy cake' - like the ones on Cake Boss made with fondant.  And not even the REALLY fancy kinds shaped like shoes or castles - but just a round or square stacked cake.  I did not get that cake that year.  Nor the year after nor the year after nor the year after.... etc.  despite my regular smartass comments about my lack of fancy fondant cake.  I finally got one after I told my sad story at a party with friends, and one of my besties took pity on me (and maybe on Cam too) and when we all gathered for the next party (a group 50th this past summer), provided a fondant cake for it.  Which I SO appreciated.  And which is also when I learned that fondant doesn't really taste good...but I LOVED the gesture and ate some cake too.  BUT Cam still owed me a cake so I continued harassing him about it, but I adjusted the expectation to just be a 'fancy cake' and released him from the fondant style requirement.

This past weekend, Cam organized a small dinner party at a restaurant - which totally impressed me because he did it himself including making the reservations, reaching out to the invitees and all in advance in anticipation of it being a surprise (except when I asked him if he was planning anything he answered immediately that he was...  so.....he wasn't TOO committed to the surprise aspect).

At any rate a handful of friends got to witness the 'big surprise' of Cam presenting me - cleverly - with tickets for a 3 week Europe trip where we fly into Amsterdam and out of Lisbon and will see many things in between including Paris!

Yes, I cried.  While anyone may be super stoked at a trip to Europe and cry upon its presentation, to me this was extra special because one of the conversations that Cam and I had many times during my chemo experience, was that when all the treatment was done, we would plan a trip to Europe where I would get to see the Eiffel Tower for myself.  This was such a common theme to help get me through the crappy chemo days that I got an Eiffel Tower puzzle in my stocking, and a wire wall hanging of the tower and also an iron candle holder shaped like it.  These were all things to keep me going and give me something to look forward to.

If any of you have been to our Kamloops house in the last six months or so, you would see evidence of the Eiffel Tower theme in our basement bathroom where I have used these items to decorate.  There is a story behind it - not just random weird French décor....

Anyway, the chemo finished, then radiation started and then I was still off work doing Herceptin treatments etc.  I didn't get back to work until 2011.  (diagnosed in 2009)  So the Europe trip didn't get sorted immediately - and THEN - lo and behold - Cam got cancer in 2012.  So that took us right into 2013 when we moved to Kamloops.  And things have been a whole new ball of wax since then - and I think I sort of forgot about this promised trip.....

Fast forward to my 50th birthday - and Cam's big surprise.  It is special.  And more than just for being a 50th birthday present.  We are finally going to get our reward for all that chemo!  AND.... I officially released Cam altogether from the 'fancy cake' promise after I opened my gift - but when we got home, by goodness - there was A FANCY CAKE waiting for me!!!  some kind of chocolate raspberry mousse truffly thing that was absolutely delectable.  That guy really hit it out of the park for me.  I am SO lucky.

In other birthday thoughts, when I turned 40, I made a blog post that I had announced early in the year that when I turned 40 I would be 'fit and fabulous' - and instead I was bald and fat.  And only got fatter as the chemo went on and I was more fatigued and less energetic - but super hungry due to appetite stimulants in the anti-nausea drugs.

In turning 50, I certainly look and feel a lot better than I did turning 40.  Many people tell me I look younger than my age.  I respond that it's probably my immature attitude that fools them.  HA.  Of course, what ARE people going to say anyway?  It's kind of the rote answer - although my ego will permit me to believe some of it - and especially compared with how I looked at 40.  LOL

But the thing I really want to say is that the older I get, the more experiences I have, the more people I meet and love - and who love me back.  Especially this past year where I had a steady stream of visitors and loved it all, I am so grateful to still be here to experience it all!  Especially group river floats!!

Ten years later, we live in a new town, each have different jobs, an entirely new lifestyle that still leaves people amazed at how we have turned into 'country folk' (which the two of us still marvel at it).  Gardening? Canning?? Beehives??? AND having FOUR dogs???  There used to be some extremely adamant opinions about not having more than two dogs....  so much for that.

While I do feel creakier and more decrepit as I age, I try to remind myself that this is better than the alternative (not aging) - and even if I had to depart tomorrow (no, not in the plans....), I know I am so lucky to have the life I have, and the people - LIKE YOU - who are in it.

Thank you all!