Real life, here I come....

Visited my GP today - he has authorized my return to work for May. He wants me at half time for 2 months and then he'll re-evaluate after that.

Let's see.....
June 12, 2009 - found lump.
Aug 26, 2009 - had breast removed.
Nov 09-Mar2010, chemo -
May 2010-June2010 Radiation -
Sep 2010 - surgery to replace expander
Feb 2010-Jan 2011 - Herceptin
Jan 2011 - chemo port removal
Mar 2011 - final reconstruction surgery.....

PHEW! I have been through a lot and will make use of this recovery time to get myself physically in shape and also mentally ready for my return to work. It seems so overwhelming - but gotta do it anyway.

I know I've said it before, but now that it all seems to be at an end, I just want to thank everyone who has supported me and sent their prayers and good wishes.

I read one of those breast cancer books early on where one woman had written that many people feel that cancer changed their lives for the better - but she will NEVER think that and went on to describe why. I think that same book had the story about how after one woman finished her chemo she threw out all the clothes she had that were red because that was the colour of her chemo meds. As I blogged in the past, I disagreed with that philosophy and felt that the chemo is what is saving our lives - and we should be grateful to have access to the treatment unlike in years past when cancer was simply the end.

I am one of those people who WILL say that cancer has improved my life. It brought everything that is important into sharp focus. It allowed me to have time off work to get healthy and happy and really appreciate all the wonderful things in life (like Desert Hot Springs!). It made me realize that always being irritated is not a very constructive way to be. It made me more tolerant - although it has been very frustrating to see people I love acting in the manner that I always used to feel. And no amount of description or advice can pursuade some people that all that stress just isn't worth it!!

Cherish the time you have! There's no point living a long and 'healthy' life if you are miserable doing it. I feel I have kicked cancer's ass, but if that is going to be my fate down the road, I can say that even if my life were to be shorter than I had hoped, I am HAPPY with mine the way it is right now. Fabulous network of family and friends supporting me, wonderful husband who has been there step by step with me, a workplace that has been completely understanding.

I plan to put cancer behind me in that I feel I am cancer-free and plan to stay that way with a healthy lifestyle - but I also DON'T plan to put it behind me as I feel that my cancer experience is a big part of me now and with all I've learned from it, will be looking to share that knowledge with others and hopefully ease some fears along the way.

I have had people ask me if it's ok to pass my blog onto others who have been diagnosed and I say BY ALL MEANS. Pass it onto anyone you feel would benefit from reading about my experience.

I have asked Cam to make a blog entry of his experience during the whole process. He said he would, but he is the kind of man that has to work up to these things and I'm sure he'll think carefully before he commits to writing. I hope I can get him to do it sooner rather than later as I really think that people could benefit from hearing his point of view as well.

But, I guess that's all I have for now. Thank you everyone!

More details & an update!

As I mentioned before, we arrived at the hospital at 6:30. My surgery was scheduled for 7:45 but I know from previous experience that it never happens at the scheduled time. While we were waiting, Cam's parking time was ticking down - so he had to dash out to refill the meter - and, of course, when he was gone is when they came to take me away to the operating room. But, thankfully, Butch was with me so I had some words of support to send me on my way.

The frustrating aside to that story is that Cam was THREE MINUTES over the limit and already had a parking ticket..... hmmmmm cheesy!

During the wait, Butch had asked me if I was scared or nervous. I said no because I was now an expert at this process. He advised me to take up a new hobby. I thought that was sage advice and plan on taking him up on it.

And I hadn't been nervous about the actual surgery - but I did have apprehensions about the awakening process. After my mastectomy, I remember feeling like I had to go to the bathroom immediately (which I didn't as it turns out and that makes sense since they don't let you eat in advance of surgery). But it was a yucky feeling. Then, after my expander replacement, I could taste the anaesthesia and felt quite nauseous and definitely recall being irritated with the surroundings. I'm sure I blogged previously about how bright and noisy the recovery room is - and nothing has changed.

So the I did get sick a couple of times (with nothing to bring up) in the recovery room, but I didn't taste the anaesthesia and in general felt better after this process than I did after the others. BUT, the recovery room is still awful - all the nurses are nattering all the time, and the blood pressure machine goes on every 5 minutes, and the lights are blaring (imagine the nurses needing to see what they are doing....) But after one of my bouts of nausea they brought me a cold cloth so I was able to use it to cover my eyes from the brightness.

I have no idea how long I was in the recovery room and no idea how long the surgery actually took. But we got home at 2:45.

The anaesthetist talked to me about the surgery as we walked down the hall to the operating room. Since I was having 'the full meal deal' I was naked under my gowns, and of course I had to remove my housecoat before getting on the table. My bare backside was visible and I was holding the gown closed behind me as I approached the table. As I climbed on I commented that I wasn't sure why I was protecting my modesty considering what was just about to happen. This made the doc laugh - he said 'well, you have a good sense of humour about it'.

I had discussed my apprehension about the awakening process in the OR and they were glad I did because apparently they can adjust the meds to compensate for nausea. And the gyno (who was doing his stuff first) patted my arm reassuringly and told me everything would be great. This gyno also phoned me PERSONALLY the day before the surgery to have a quick chat about it and advise me to get bloodwork. And so while I had previously had some reservations about this particular man due to his strange advice earlier in the process, the simple act of phoning me personally and then of patting my arm in the OR has made me a fan of him.

Also, in advance of surgery, I met with my plastic surgeon who draws all over my chest to help guide him in his work. When I bared myself for this process, he exclaimed on how much weight I had lost. WOO HOO. So his memory of our visit in the fall had him thinking he had a significant breast reduction to do to match my fake one. But he was SO happy because I already did most of the work for him. He was so pleased that he had less work to do that I commented to him 'Well after all, this IS all about YOU'..... He laughed - which is good because it probably isn't a good idea to piss off your surgeon right before you head into the operating room..... And he made a final comment on just how pleased he was with the result of our replacing the expander back in September.

He also asked me what I had decided on for the nipple option (a little nerve wracking as I thought I had made it extremely clear in the past that I'm not having the nipple) - but I clarified to him that I'm skipping the nipple and so he took his felt pen and wrote NO on my breast next to the circles he had drawn in the nipple area. What the!?!

Afterward, we discovered my recovery nurse is the mother of a major league baseball player Adam Loewen. To clarify, after surgery there is the recovery room (the loud irritating & bright place) and then when they are convinced you are stable enough they wheel you back into the daycare surgery area. So you're still in a bed and you're still recovering but it is much more calm and quiet in there. So this nurse was the one looking after me in THAT room. She was super nice. She even wheeled my wheelchair right out to the sidewalk when Cam went to get the car.

So after we got home, I went to bed because even though I was in bed all day, I didn't get much rest due to the aforementioned noise. So it was a relief to get into the quiet of my own bedroom. Then I had meat pie and homemade chow mein (compliments of Butch) for dinner - and of course I was ravenous since I didn't eat since the night before. It was DEEEEEE-licious.

And that night before bed, I took a couple of T3s, but then I awoke in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep and remembered that they have caffeine (plus the fact I basically was in bed all day) - so I opted not to take any more of those and was just using regular Ibuprofen. After only a day or so I didn't even need those except that I took some for a sore back.

I have taken off my bandages since the surgery to check out the results and am very happy with it. I can't tell yet what size I'm at and probably won't be able to for awhile as I won't be able to wear a real bra for some time. Sports bra with no underwire is it for me for a bit.

But certainly it is nice to see two breasts that rest at the same level on my chest.

This week I will be seeing all my doctors for follow-ups. Plastic Surgeon, GP & Oncologist. Before surgery, my GP told me that I would go back to work 6 weeks after surgery which puts my return to work at April 18. Of course, I will see him on Wed and he can decide for sure - but even though I am not really chomping at the bit for a return to work, I realize that this cancer process has to have an end at some point and then going back to normal is required. And of course working is part of that normal. But I will ease back in on a part-time schedule as I'm really not sure how much energy I actually have.

In my pre-surgery chat with the nurse, I was having the SAME nurse again that I've had both other times (the one that is also a recent breast cancer survivor). So I told her my last Herceptin had been in January and she advised that about 3 months after that, all my energy would return. I said I hadn't realized I was missing any and she said she felt the same way - didn't realize how much the Herceptin had actually affected her until 3 months later & the energy returned. So that will basically coincide with my return to work so that might make it easier too.

While I am not looking forward to the return to work for work's sake, I will be happy to regularly see my colleagues again as I love the people I work with and they have all been extremely supportive during this last year and half while I've dealt with this.

So I have been feeling good after surgery although a little physically limited since I can't lift things - but that is working in my favour as far as ordering Cam to do the laundry and other miscellaneous projects. HA HA

I guess that's all I have to say this time. Ciao!

Home from the hospital

Everything went a-ok. Arrived at hospital at 6:30am, just got home at 2:45pm. Feeling pretty good.

I got the 'value' deal the nurses kept saying because I got my implant put in, plus my right breast reduced/lifted AND I got the ablation.

Yup - it all worked out that they could coordinate the surgeries so it's all done and I am so happy about it since I have had some doozies of periods over the last couple of months....

Am going to lay down for a bit.

Yay!

We're home!

Well, we're not too happy about it, but since surgery is on Wednesday, I guess I better suck it up.

We had an easy drive home and the weather was very cooperative.

Will post after surgery!

Surgery March 2

I have received my surgery consent form which says 'left breast cohesivegel implant & right breast reduction' - so YAY - smaller boobs yet again..... as we didn't actually get anywhere near a C-cup last time.... more like a D or DD..... But maybe we'll get there this time. Which also means more BRA SHOPPING.... woo hoo.



I have just come inside from an afternoon of sunbathing on the back deck - it was one of those perfect days where it was just warm enough that you can sit in the sun for a long time without overheating - just a slight hint of breeze every now and then to cool you off, and also the sun isn't too intense at this time of year so I wasn't burning. But now the clouds have moved in - it was predicted earlier this week so we're not surprised by it - which is why I was soaking up the sun while I could. I never used to be a sunbather - stayed lily white everywhere I went by keeping myself totally covered up. But now I love to be in the sun. I still wear sunscreen but I am definitely getting my vitamin D now.



Earlier this week, Cam and I went with our waterball friends to the Morongo casino down the road for their buffet lunch. While we were waiting for our group, we were told that if we signed up for their Winner's Club card we would get a discount. The sign showed $2 off with the card - but since it was free, why not save $4??? So we signed up for the card, and they gave Cam and I each a $10 credit for dining.... what! Our buffet lunch for the two of us came to a grand total of $2.07!!!! So they only give that $10 to first timers to the casino.... but we enjoyed the buffet immensely (I went AFTER weigh-in at TOPS). MMMMMM bread pudding.....



Until Wednesday, I thought the best deal to be had around here was the dinner and movie that we went to a couple of weeks ago. So we went to see the movie Secretariat and paid a whopping $1.50 per person..... It was cheaper for the 4 of us to go to the movies than it would have been to rent one off the TV. Then afterward, we went to the Round Table for pizza. On Tuesday nights, they have a special of a large pizza plus a pitcher of beer or 5 sodas for $16.99. I added an all-you-can-eat salad bar for $3.50..... I love this place!!

We also have discovered a delicious authentic Mexican restaurant nearby to the resort where Cam orders the taco salad ($7) which has rice and beans plus lettuce, tomatoes, jalapenos, guacolmole & sour cream. I had the Carne de Res last time which is a beef and vegetable soup which they served with tortillas and it was only $4.50 and it was huge. And YUMMY.

Even with all this talk of food, I have still been eating very sensibly and losing weight. I think I lost a half pound last week but I missed the cutoff for weigh in time at TOPS so didn't get officially weighed. But Sandie has a scale now so I was able to compare from last week to this week. I mostly ate vegetables at the Morongo buffet (except for the bread pudding...ahem... and 3 pork ribs).

Cam had lost track of his keys over the last several days so we had been driving around using mine assuming we would come across his eventually. As more days passed and no sign of the keys, we started a more concentrated search but to no avail. Then I remembered that the tennis instructor had asked if anyone had lost any keys - but at the time I didn't realize we had so didn't say anything. So we went to see the tennis guy but he wasn't home. After more searching, Cam finally went to the main office to ask if his keys were there, figuring he had dropped them or something. His keys WERE there, thankfully, and what had happened was that he had them in his pocket while doing tennis drills and thought it uncomfortable and so put them in the pocket of his hoody on the sideline. BUT, it turns out he didn't put them in his OWN hoody - but in someone else's black hoody. So that person would have put his hands in the pocket and pulled out Cam's keys thinking, What the!?!

There is a hummingbird nest in a palm tree outside the office and it is only about 5 feet from the ground. It has been a treat to watch the baby birds growing and when the mom isn't on the nest you can see their heads & beaks, and in the night the momma sits on the nest. Cam has photos of them, and we can watch mom feeding them. You can't believe how far down into the baby birds that the mom gets her beak. It's like she's skewering them with her beak!

I guess that's all I can remember to report now. Every time I post, I remember something I forgot immediately after.

I still say that a sunny destination is THE best recuperation for cancer treatment!!!

No lunch for you!!!!

So we're playing waterball and besides me and Cam there are several other couples who play together.... There is often the talk of 'if momma's not happy, nobody is happy' especially if someone makes a sneaky play against their spouse.

This happened with one couple where the husband did a nasty play that caused the wife to lose her serve. She said to him 'NO LUNCH FOR YOU' - whereupon I cracked up and announced, "you know you're in a 55+ resort when......." Here, when you're 'cut off', it means no food!!!!! LOL. So now whenever Cam does a sneaky play to me, I always tell him NO LUNCH FOR YOU...... it's hysterical!!

Since we arrived here only a few days after my port removal surgery, I still had the stitches and couldn't go in the water. So for the first week, I watched from the sidelines. I would have preferred to be playing, but since my travel medical insurance won't cover anything for my pre-existing condition, I had to make really sure that my incision didn't get infected. So I stayed out of the pool for an entire week, and then when I did finally go in, I put a waterproof bandage over the incision. The only problem with that solution is that I had to have the adhesive area totally clean so it would stick. So I used alcohol prep pads to make sure any oil or sweat was cleaned off to get a good adhesion. Then, I was dumb enough not to put my sunscreen watershirt on. So now I have ended up with a sunburn in the adhesive area (because the adhesive part is CLEAR) - and where the actual bandage part was has no sunburn. And to boot, my skin is not adhesive-friendly - I usually get some kind of reaction. So when I took the 3rd patch off, it was a very painful process, removing a giant bandaid from sunburned and irritated skin.

I am happy to report that the incision has completely healed up and scab is gone so I don't have to wear the bandage anymore. The human body is amazing!

Cam has gotten back into his old photography habit - bought a new camera at Christmas time and new photo books and in general been re-inspired. He has been getting some fantastic shots - and this digital age is wonderful as you can take so many pictures guilt-free and never any wondering if they will turn out. I always used to hate the photo game after returning home from a holiday with film cameras. Cam would have taken 10 or 12 rolls of film, and anxiously rush them in for developing and rip open the envelopes with enthusiasm. And though his photos were ALWAYS good, they were never as good as he thought they were going to be and so he would be disappointed. Thankfully, that era is over with digital SLR....

Anyway, one afternoon he zipped up the highway to Morongo Reserve where he had gotten some decent pictures of scrub jay at Christmas. He came back with a really good pictures of bobcat!!!! He was standing still to try and look for birds when a movement caught his eye and he spotted the bobcat. He slowly raised the camera up to his face and snapped the picture without much time to 'organize' the shot and as soon as the bobcat heard the click of the camera, it looked up at Cam and when it saw him, bolted away. And so Cam has a great pic of the bobcat looking straight at him. As far as technical greatness, it probably could be a little sharper or slightly better composed, but for spotting something in the wild, lifting your camera and snapping a photo, it is a GREAT shot!! When we get home, I can post the pic. Cam shoots in RAW format so we have no way to retrieve his photos from his camera unless we are at home.

I have been diligently using my time here to eat well and exercise in my final last-ditch effort to get as thin as possible before my final surgery in a couple of weeks (no firm date set yet). And, I am happy to say that it has been working. When I weighed in at TOPS last week, I was down 2.8 pounds and was the big weight-loss winner for the week. In their chapter, each person hands you a quarter and congratulates you to give you added motivation. And it's a BIG chapter so I got 5 bucks!!! yee ha.

So I'm still working hard and hoping to break a 'milestone' if not this week then next. (that means going below a 10 pound marker but I won't tell you which one). when I was here in the spring, I THOUGHT I was doing a great job of eating healthy and exercising since I was playing waterball 6 hours a day. But I guess the chemo drugs just didn't want to cooperate in letting me lose any weight and in reality I ended up gaining weight! It was quite devastating - and before the cancer, I had lost 20 pounds and so after the chemo I was ready to get back down to the right place - but instead gained more weight.... So I was probably 12-14 pounds heavier than I am right now back in the spring - although I must admit that extra extra weight didn't last long - I lost the 5 pounds I gained fairly quickly but then just stayed and stayed in the same general weight area forever..... So now I am finally having success. And hope to keep it going.

Cam has been inspiring me to walk/hike more. There is a small mountain range behind the resort that has a path up to 'the flag' where people hike as a destination. There is a sign-in book up there in a plastic bag (at least Cam tells me there is...). Yah - I haven't made it up to the top, but I did go partway up with him once. The first time he went, he was huffing and puffing his way up to the top and then some 60-year old guy casually jogged past him without a sweat breaking on his brow cheerfully waving and telling Cam 'beautiful morning, isn't it?'..... We all cracked up when he came back and told us the story as his head is beet-red and sweat is pouring down and he is bent over huffing and puffing (I'm sure he exaggerated a little since Cam IS in excellent shape).... but he has been losing weight also.

When I attempted the hike with him, I got maybe halfway and then I waited for him on a rock. The dogs were with him, but we often play a game with the dogs where we try to exercise them by going to a park and each going to the opposite end of it and calling the dogs back and forth between us. So when I stopped on the mountain and Cam kept going, Molly kept running back down to where I was - meanwhile, Cam was getting further and further up the mountain so each runback was getting longer and longer. I think Molly ended up climbing the mountain about 6 times..... talk about great conditioning!! Both Molly and Cam have lost some weight down here - we had to bump up her food intake to keep the right padding over her ribs. Cooper is a free-spirit - he LOVES to roam free in the desert. He ranges way ahead exploring and doesn't return back and forth like Molly. When he gets just a little too far, we call him back and he always comes. He is a great dog - always listens to us (except when we tell him to stop barking). Molly mostly listens well, but sometimes on her own schedule....

We found a flyball team down here that has let us practice with them. She is so happy to have other people here who know how to play flyball as her whole team is new people and she is the only one with any actual experience. We skipped this past week due to paw injuries & birthdays, but we will take them again this week. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I would want to be reincarnated as one of our dogs. Talk about spoiled rotten and loved beyond belief....

Well, I guess that's enough for now - this long blog is the result of no blogging for a couple of weeks!

Port is OUT

Before Port Removal: After Port Removal:

This is sort of where it was positioned in me, except the tube went up my chest further and into a vein in my neck (I couldn't get the tube to cooperate for the photo)

This is the actual port that was in me - I photographed it next to a cereal spoon for perspective. I was surprised to see that it's purple - so pretty!!

I drove over to mom's around 8:45 this morning, then we drove to Royal Columbia Hospital for my check-in time of 10:30. They got me in there and laying on the bed and basically all prepped and ready to go, and then came in and told me that an emergency has bumped me so I have another hour to kill. But in the meantime, they had given me two Adavan which I learned is the equivalent of 10 valiums. So when they suggested I go away for awhile and get a bite to eat, they wouldn't let me go unless I was in a wheelchair. So mom pushed me to the coffee shop and I had some sushi & soup for lunch, then wheeled back to the room so I could snooze while waiting.

Very little if any sleep had been achieved by me last night. So snoozing wasn't a bad thing - unfortunately, this other emergency didn't take as long as I thought it would and the guy came in needles ablazing when I was still snoozing from the happy pills. The only pain was from the freezing needles - and some pushing & tugging on my chest and voila - one port taken out and then my incision stitched up. No waterball for a few days though.... bummer!

It seems stupid now that I've already done it, however, I was THE most nervous about this process than I have been about any of the others I've had as yet. No fear or nerves for the mastectomy, tissue expander replacement or even the insertion of the port (likely because of all the REAL sedation you get). But, I got through it and it was not bad. Probably the Happy Pills helped relax me a lot.

Then I had my heart scan at 3:15 - mom was a good chauffeur today (my mother is an excellent driver). Hopefully this one isn't a dud.

And that's the last of it until March - so Cam and I are going back to California with the dogs to take advantage of the lag time before my final reconstruction.